I am, I hope, a not too boring heterosexual, but I came of age in the SF Bay Area where I majored in art and philosophy. I have friends and acquaintances who insist they are "queer" and see that as an accurate distinction from other of the various sexual identities.
So, anyway, in light of this debate and my desire to be educated, I took the time to look up various terms as defined on the web site of the LGBT Community Center, and here is what they had to say about the term "queer."
"QUEER - An adjective used by some people, particularly younger people, whose sexual orientation is not exclusively heterosexual. Typically, for those who identify as queer, the terms lesbian, gay, and bisexual are perceived to be too limiting and/or fraught with cultural connotations they feel don’t apply to them. Some people may use queer, or more commonly genderqueer, to describe their gender identity and/or gender expression. Once considered a pejorative term, queer has been reclaimed by some LGBT people to describe themselves; however, it is not a universally accepted term even within the LGBT community."
So, my sense is that the term has changed and is now accepted by many as an accurate identity for them.
As an outsider, I will defer, of course, but if it hurts one's feelings then request people not use it for you. Seems a general overall and emphatic condemnation is unwarranted, as others embrace the term for their identity.